Smells like teen spirit

Posted on May 21, 2013 | 2 Comments

My oldest son, Jacob, recently turned 13.  Since he’s my first, I’m always excited to see what each stage of development will bring. By the time my middle son gets to a new phase, I have some experience and can prepare for parenting challenges.

My 7-year-old is not allowed to grow up at all, as far as I’m concerned.  Every time he hits a new phase, I mourn the last one. I still tuck him in every night when he’s asleep, stroke the velvet skin on his cheeks, and breathe in his sweet smell.

There’s no sweet smell coming  from Jacob’s room. The pungent odor of sweat and feet that lingers in there keeps my visits short. He likes it that way, because then I can’t nag him about the mess.

There are other teen behaviors emerging. He eats more and sleeps later.  He spends more time in his room, on his phone and iPad. All developmentally appropriate signs of maturing that I can accept.

What I can’t stand is  ”whatever, Mom.”

Typical teen behavior

Jacob has slipped into the inevitable yet loathsome phase of believing that every member of his family is a dunce. He barely listens to our conversations, unless they’re about him– because we are clearly not worth his time.  When he does grab a detail he deems worthy of his attention, if he doesn’t approve, he snarls his lip, squints his eyes, and cocks his head.

He stares incredulously with contempt and I can only think he’s wondering how he could be related to people so moronic.

When we tell him to do something– anything, really– from flipping a light switch to completing a term paper– he sighs loudly and shrugs so deeply I’m surprised he hasn’t injured his shoulders.  We’re such a burden, I don’t know how he tolerates us.

When we don’t agree on a given subject– say, my objection to his 20-minute showers or staying up late on school nights– his teen-ism comes out in ugly force.  He argues, gesticulates, exaggerates, and then rolls his eyes and grumbles “whatever, whatever, whatever!“

It makes me want to take my widest, heaviest All-Clad frying pan right to that sweet, boyish face.

I know this is the classic pubescent role. I know it’s just a phase. I know it’s not about me. Sometimes I remember all that and laugh it off. But if I’m short on sleep and/or patience, that whatever can send me right over the edge.

I still see glimpses of my little boy… and of the amazing  young man I know he will become. When we can pry him away from his friends for more than a few hours and he settles into our family dynamic, he turns human again. It’s almost like the teenishness melts and we can see the soft center inside. It’s comforting to know he’s still in there.

Many of you who have teenagers or raised them already are thinking I should buckle up, it’s going to be a while.  And before I know it, he’ll be out of the house and I’ll be wishing he was home, even if only to talk back. I know that.

One of the many great things about Jacob is that he’s a busybody and a talker. So far, despite his teen inclination to withdraw, he still winds up telling me stuff.  The less interested I act, the more likely he is to spill, which often leads to a carefully choreographed dance around each other until the truth comes out. I hope we never get to the point where he completely shuts me out, so I’m working overtime to stay calm and aloof whenever possible.

It’s also nice that he still needs me for rides, clothes, and spending money. Every once in a while when he’s sweet-talking me into one of his grand plans, I make him squirm before I comply. Sometimes I even shrug my shoulders dramatically and say ….“whatever.” 

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Posted in Joys of Parenting, Kids manners, Low Parenting Moments, Modern Life

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Top 7 netiquette rules: are you minding your digital manners?

Posted on May 19, 2013 | 3 Comments

I recently came across my copy of the latest edition of “Emily Post’s Etiquette.” I interviewed Emily’s great-great grandson a while ago for an article about the book, which had a new section on communication and technology. Just for laughs I thumbed through it to see how I’m doing.

Turns out, I’m an inconsiderate boor…. and you probably are too.

Emily Post Manners for New World book

The book suggests manners are for everyone, not just old ladies at dinner parties. Though most of the advice is common sense, it’s astonishing how often we violate basic etiquette rules. The Post guidelines–  based on principles of respect, consideration and honesty—have remained the same since 1922 and still ring true.

Technology has drastically changed the way we communicate, but shouldn’t alter the way we treat each other. Here are 7 basic tenets of modern netiquette. See how many you’ve breached today:

– Always respond within a day or two to personal emails, and within 24 hours for business mails.  And check with friends and family before forwarding spam.

– Never interrupt a conversation to answer a call, email or text. And don’t use a smart phone in a place of worship, theater, or restaurant, or during a meeting or presentation. (If you’re expecting an urgent call, set your device to vibrate and check it later, or move to a private space and speak quietly.)

cell phone ban graphic

– If a call gets disconnected, the person who initiated the call should redial the other person and apologize, even if it’s the phone carrier’s fault.

– Don’t type, eat, shuffle papers or do anything that tells the caller your attention is elsewhere. And never, ever “call from the stall”; nothing ends a conversation quicker than a toilet flush.

– Don’t overtext. Ask yourself if you would call someone on the phone as often as you’re sending text messages.

– Anything you email, text or post online is considered a public document, so make sure it would be fit for a community bulletin board before you send it.

– You’re not required to respond to every person who contacts you on Facebook, and it’s perfectly acceptable to unfriend someone, untag yourself from photos, or delete a friend’s comment from your page. But always ask permission before posting a friend’s good news or event photos.

The Posts believe human contact still matters, and people should talk in person whenever possible. Remember talking to people?

I tried to live by Post rules after my article came out and I was amazed at how often people disregarded common decency and respect. But more than a year later, I’m just as rude as the next keyboard-punching, loud-talking, interrupting clod.

It’s hard to correct others who ditch decorum, but you can at least try to set a good example. I’m on my best behavior now….are you?

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Posted in Kids and Money, Kids Travel, Pop Culture Trends

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Idol finale recap

Posted on May 16, 2013 | 4 Comments

Whether you’re a fan or not, the American Idol finale is always entertaining and this year’s did not disappoint.

There was little suspense on the winner…. it’s been clear for weeks that Candice Glover deserved it.  A pretty, immensely talented girl who can belt,  she tried out three times before making it to the top 10.  From a tiny South Carolina town,  her family has struggled, but her adorable parents sat on the edge of their seats nearly every week, cheering like crazy. That combination plus her confident and soulful performances  made her a crowd favorite.

FOX

Idol finalists Candice Glover (L) and Kree Harrison (R)/ FOX

I was pretty certain Candice would win over country crooner Kree Harrison, so the only uncertainty was who would grace the Idol stage for the 2-hour extravaganza.  Here are my highlights:

– The best performance of the night without question was the return of JLo. She sang her new single, “Live It Up,” with Pitbull and danced like she was still a Flygirl. When she hits the stage it’s like an adrenalin shot and I can’t take my eyes off her. The song is pretty good and I love the way she moves.

– Top 10 country girl Janelle did a fiery duet with The Band Perry that rocked and had high hair-flip count.

–Korean star Psy danced up a storm to his new hit and although it doesn’t sound much different from “Gangham Style” I liked it. He’s a dynamic performer and fun to watch.

–Keith Urban  sang twice and I loved his new single “Little Bit of Everything,” but was disappointed not to have one Nicole sighting all season.

–Candice and Idol legend Jennifer Hudson commanded the stage for a powerful duet. They were a great match and killed it.

–I was a huge fan of Angie Miller who made it to the top 3 so I was psyched to hear her sing an intense version of “I Am Titanium” with former Idol diva Adam Lambert. She also held her own with her idol, Jessie J  on “Domino.” I love her energy and predict we’ll be hearing her on the radio soon.

–There was a goodbye/retrospective piece for Randy Jackson– the only original judge left– who isn’t returning next year.  Besides his wacky jackets and lapel pins,  he didn’t add a whole lot to the show in the last few seasons, but I’ll still miss that old dawg.

FOX

FOX

Lowlights included all the cheesy song and dance numbers with the top 10 Idols. It always reminds me of the old Brady Bunch variety show episodes, with the matchy costumes and phony smiles. This is their last shot at an audience of millions so they milk it, which is part funny, and part icky to watch.

There was a hokey duet with the boys and Frankie Valli- not sure how he’s relevant to an Idol audience but the producers always throw in a throwback. Aretha Franklin also sang a medley of her hits but via satellite, which was odd and didn’t really work as a duet with the girls.

And then there’s Mariah. I said before that she had a tough time putting a coherent sentence together from her sparkly perch at the judge’s table. She seems like a lovely person and was clearly moved by the contestants. But if judging wasn’t her thing, singing should be, no?

She stood still like a statue in a glittery mermaid dress, singing a medley of her songs but it looked to me like she was lip synching or singing on top of a pre-recorded track. It didn’t seem natural at all and her limited movements and stuck smile reminded me of Cinderella waving atop a Disneyland float. Would love to know what happened there.

Twitter blew up with people suggesting she wasn’t singing but The Hollywood Reporter tweeted that Mariah’s rep denied any lip synching. Let the scrutiny and fallout begin!

I’m feeling ambivalent about Idol as season 12 comes to a close. The talent was powerhouse but there was no synergy among the judges and ratings were low so it’s unclear who will be sitting at the table next year.

I’m eager to see how the show will change and wonder if this might be our last season as loyal fans. If so, it’s been a good long run of watching dreams come true.

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Posted in Fav TV, Music Notes

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Doggone it, it’s time

Posted on May 14, 2013 | 1 Comment

My son, Aden’s birthday is this week. He’s turning 10 and all he wants is a dog.

It’s time.

I’ve been procrastinating, worrying, and quizzing friends and family for months, if not years. We’ve dog-sat many weekends and survived. I can’t put it off any longer. Aden needs a dog… like I need to write…like Wilson needs sports…like Eli (7) needs to talk, like Jacob (13) needs to text.

A dog will center him, soothe him, and make him so happy. I’ve seen it happen with other animals. You should see the way he stays up late reading books about lizards, plays with his friends’ hamsters,  and sticks his hand in a muddy swamp to catch crawfish.

Neither Wilson nor I grew up with any animals so this is new territory and I’m nervous. The dog will require time, energy, and expense. I’m not kidding myself– I realize most of the responsibility will fall on me.

But the kid needs a dog.

Aden with Uncle Jon's dog, Ranger

Aden with Uncle Jon’s dog, Ranger

It’s the right time because I’m home a lot, the weather is nice, and we’re around for the next several months for baseball so we can’t make weekend plans. I’m hoping to get a furry friend before August.

So I’m using this post to crowdsource. Aden wants a puppy and Eli has allergies so we’ll start with those requirements. I’m going to research what breed to get, the best training books, recommendations for obedience school, and a good vet.

97% of the dog owners I’ve spoken to adore their pooches and say it’s the best addition to their family and worth all the work and inconvenience.  I’m moving forward with that encouragement in mind and getting excited. And scared. But mostly excited.

Seeing Aden’s face when that dog arrives is also a big motivator. Fulfilling his dream will be fun for all of us.

I couldn’t get my act together to get a puppy here this week but I bought him this guide to dog care to open on his birthday so he knows the process is underway.  But I’m counting on you people to help me with info and advice.  Emails would be ideal but you can also comment on the blog or on Facebook and I’ll start gathering and educating myself.

Thanks, in advance for your guidance and patience. I’m going to need it.

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Posted in Modern Life

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Word to my mother

Posted on May 12, 2013 | 10 Comments

I went to the store to buy Mother’s Day cards this week and found the selection disappointing at best, annoying at worst. An entire wall packed with cards for every kind of mother, from every member of the family (including the cat, really? who spends $4 on a card from the cat?!)  but I couldn’t find one that captured the sentiments I feel for my mine.

Just like Goldilocks, I found them too sappy, too serious, or trying to be funny but missing the mark completely. None addressed the complicated relationships of most mothers and daughters.

mothers day blog Maybe someday Hallmark will start a “keeping it real” card line, but until then, I’m going to use this space to say what I want to say to my mom.

My mother is a force. She’s beautiful, smart, creative, fun and oozes confidence. Quite the charmer, she can (and will) talk to anyone. Her mind is orderly and she doesn’t like surprises. She’s also extremely attentive to the way things look.  She’s always had chic personal style (she’s never owned a pair of jeans) and her house is immaculate. When I was younger she loved to put me in pretty dresses and Mary Janes with my hair cut short with a side part and barette, keeping every strand neat and off my face.

I am not as coiffed and concerned with details, which sometimes makes it challenging to be her daughter. There are days she walks into my house when it looks like a disaster has struck, my kids are filthy, and I’m still unshowered wearing workout clothes.  I see her biting her lip. She looks around wide-eyed and after the panic passes, there’s sympathy in her eyes.

She doesn’t say a word because she knows what my day was like. She knows how many carpools, blog posts, laundry loads, homework assignments, and games I’ve handled, and she’s humbled.

My mother tells me all the time that she’s amazed by everything I do.  She says she could never have juggled as much when my brother and I were growing up– which means a lot because she was busy.

She’s my loudest cheerleader.

Mothers Day post Thanks mom

When I started this blog, my mom was the first to sign up as a follower and reads every post. She regularly sends me complimentary texts and shows my pieces to anyone who will read them.

My mom is an attentive, loving grandmother to my three boys. While she’s one of the most opinionated dames I know, she keeps it in check because she respects my parenting skills.  She never misses an opportunity to tell me she’s proud of the job I’ve done with my children.

Maybe my mom has stars in her eyes when she looks at me, but isn’t that what moms are supposed to do? I’m certainly not the most organized, together woman, nor the best writer, or parent. But even on my lowest day, my mom makes me feel like I’m great.

That support and encouragement actually makes me a better parent, writer, and person.

There might not be frosted paper, fancy calligraphy, or jeweled embellishments on this card, and it certainly doesn’t rhyme. But it’s the best way for me to tell my mom what she means to me. I hope it makes her feel as loved as she makes me feel every day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms who believe in their kids and never stop telling them they’re fantastic. At any age, kids will never tire of hearing it.

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Posted in I'm a Sap

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New book, ‘VJ’: sex, drugs and rock n’ roll at MTV

Posted on May 10, 2013 | 6 Comments

My kids (ages 13, 9, and 7)  watch music videos on YouTube.  To them, MTV is a channel for reality shows like “Teen Mom” and “Jersey Shore,” which thankfully don’t interest them, yet.

But back in the day I remember watching the “Thriller” and “Billy Jean” videos over and over again after school. Before DVR’s you just had to wait for your favorite song to play again so we would watch for hours. I coveted Madonna videos and often tried to memorize her outfits so I could run to Fiorucci and Limited Express in the mall to copy her clothes.

That’s why I loved reading the new book . “VJ: The Unplugged Adventures of MTV’s First Wave,”  by original VJ’s Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, and Martha Quinn, with rock writer Gavin Edwards.

VJ mtv

The book is a series of interviews with the four original VJs, dishing about the start of MTV, and all the sex, drugs, and rock n roll you expected behind-the scenes. It’s easy to read and fellow pop culture addicts will love the inside scoop on everyone from Paul McCartney to Cyndi Lauper.

There are plenty of crazy stories. The first chapter has David Lee Roth offering a groupie to give Mark Goodman a “happy ending” when Goodman’s marriage was on the rocks.  You find out which VJ’s could do their job wired on coke, and which had crushes on celebrities and colleagues.

And did you know they were never actually watching the videos they introduced? All their VJ segments were recorded separately.

Other surprises include the fight over putting Michael Jackson on the air (management thought he was too urban) and the lamest launch party ever. Imagine the over-the-top launch party for a new network today (open bar, hundreds of guests, celebrities, flat screens galore.)  Now picture a small party of cast, crew and management huddled around a small television set in the basement of a restaurant in Fort Lee, New Jersey— the only place they could see the channel because MTV wasn’t on cable yet in New York!

The book begins in 1981 and captures an interesting time in TV, music, media and American culture. It may also make you nostalgic for shoulder pads.

Check out my review in the Huffington Post here.

My favorite 80′s outfit was a V-neck cotton Firenza sweater worn backwards (what were we thinking?!)…my favorite Sasson baggie jeans…rhinestone earrings and necklaces and dozens of black rubber bracelets…and black ankle boots with leather straps all over.

Can you remember yours? Tell me in the comments.

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Posted in Book Reviews, Music Notes

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