Lindsay Lohan Misses as SNL Host

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Really Lindsay Lohan? It’s sad enough that you‘re having a “comeback” at 25, but you chose to do it on “Saturday Night Live?” Last weekend’s hosting gig did not say, “I’m back and better than ever!” More like, “I made it here, be gentle while I muddle through this.”

What happened to that child actress bursting with talent and promise? We only know what we read and see, but if even half of it’s true, you were let down by your attention-seeking, narcissistic parents and a circle of “friends” and handlers who encouraged you to keep partying, despite numerous attempts at rehab and the demise of your once shiny career.

You became a late night comedy punch line (even for SNL) with your endless tabloid escapades, frequent arrests, and dramatic court appearances. But lately you’ve laid low and we were hopeful you were getting healthy. You told Matt Lauer on “Today” last week that you’re making better choices and looking forward to working again.

The problem is, I still don’t believe you, Lindsay. First off, you don’t appear healthy. The over-bleached, extension-tangled blond hair is not doing you any favors. Why not go back to those beautiful auburn tresses that made you famous and brought out your blue eyes? A return to red may remind people why they always rooted for your clever, precocious movie characters. Stop plumping up your lips and wearing too much makeup —you’re 25! Embrace your inner ingénue! You look like you need a fruit smoothie and about two months of sleep.

Secondly, you don’t seem to be making smart decisions. If you’re going to reenter the snake pit that is Hollywood, was  hosting “SNL” the wisest choice? “SNL” host duties require amazing timing, comic chops, and an insane level of self-confidence. Some talented people have bombed on that show (January Jones anyone?) even without all the personal problems and media hype leading into it.

Kudos for being able to laugh at yourself during the self-deprecating opening monologue, but beyond that, your performances lacked any spark or humor. You were clearly relying on cue cards and looked like you were just trying to get to the after party. I don’t even remember seeing you smile.

My advice (not that you asked!) is to give the hosting “SNL” gig a rest and spend a month at Canyon Ranch spa, getting facials, exercising, sleeping, meditating, and attending self-help lectures. Determine what kind of performer you want to be and then start working at it as if you were brand new to the game. The hard work and hustle will be good for you and will lend itself to a great Barbara Walters piece when your real comeback role gets nominated for an Oscar. I think you have it in you Lindsay. But you have to believe it too.

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